its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
