And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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