remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
