I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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