She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
