wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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