I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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