Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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