i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
