She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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