whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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