just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
