I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just pee around me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
