my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
