Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
