I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
