God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
