oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
