sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
