we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
