I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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