i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
