He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
"it" just moved
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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