I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
