I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
