omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I didn't notice because vodka
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
