you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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