I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
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