What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i came on her dog
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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