I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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