THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
