i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
