you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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