I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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