he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
