If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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