it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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