Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
