Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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