Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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