There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
