Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You're so nebulous sometimes
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Is Oprah even human
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
