He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
