My hair reeks of homosexuality.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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