I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
