I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
