I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
