he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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