Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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