Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
