oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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