So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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