I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
