i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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