Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
