even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
