I'm jealous of your bromance
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
