You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
