Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
