apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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