i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
