i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
