My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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