I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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