i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize