i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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