You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
