he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
