So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
